fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
