The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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