i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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