Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize