i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
