Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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