chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
