I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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