Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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