It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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