dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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