Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she smelled like a LAN party
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
