I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
