Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You ruined the universe
Randomize
