Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize