It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
last night I used snow as a chaser
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
