be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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