When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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