I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
