White coat. Heels.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
