i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
