guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
