so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
