Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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