Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
