He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
