Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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