me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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