Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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