Your dad touched me again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize