just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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