You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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