I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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