just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
