My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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