I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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