im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
