I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize