apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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