So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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