u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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