I think my fart just growled at me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
