So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
