My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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