Where is the hickey?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize