soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
