Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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