this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god it's open bar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
