And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
