i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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