Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
