2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
