Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
