he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
