i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
