you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you never un-have a 4some
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
