There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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