Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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