People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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