well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
