I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
