Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
