dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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