eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
