my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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