He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
